Acceptance- In our world with Autism

It’s been 4 months since Daniel had his diagnosis of Mild Autism and a little over a month since we’ve shared it with you. I wanted to start off this post by saying thank you to all for the out pour of love and support. Your words of encouragement has helped me on days where I felt so defeated.

As our diagnosis didn’t come as a major surprise; I didn’t think that during times of this journey, I being his mother; would have some days of not being so accepting. I’ll explain later.

Most of you saw that Danny started his new school at Noah’s Ark preschool. As expected, drop off’s were not easy in the beginning but as we got to week two he wouldn’t cry in front of me. He watched me walk away and I thought everything was going okay, but during my pick-up’s I would ask his teachers how his day was and they were really struggling to say nice things about Danny. Constantly picking out the negatives and weren’t saying anything positive about his day. They rushed through our conversations when they did pay me mind. They were aware of the special needs that he has but weren’t give us any hope in helping him.

When Danny went to Conshohocken Catholic; sure we had hard drop off’s but every time I asked about his day, Ms. Rachel would reassure me that he had a great day. Always pointing out the positive in his day. She took the time to get to know our son and cared for him with the utmost patience and love. We are so thankful and grateful for her.

So as time was going by at Noah’s Ark; I didn’t understand why they weren’t trying to help him. Everyday was a “bad day”; so they said; if they even acknowledged me at pick up. I felt the stares as I walked through the school. By week two, I would often get the “cold shoulder” or avoidance from them as I arrived to pick him up. They seemed overwhelmed by the other kids in the class room and their body language told me it wasn’t a good time to talk nearly every pickup.

Ultimately, we had a meeting after his 8th day there; with all of Danny’s new Buck’s County therapist; his teacher, the school director, Dan and myself. In a nutshell; they told us that Danny is a distraction to the other children; he doesn’t participate in group activities; and he has been pinching the teacher and at one encounter bit her out of frustration.

To touch base on the pinching and biting incident.

I was told a couple times at pick up that he was pinching the teachers hand out of frustration. I apologized on his behalf and understood her because he used to do this to me way in the beginning before I was educated on ways to help him better express himself. I told her at those moments some strategies that I would do to help redirect him into something else. I felt her looking right through me.

I was not told he bit anyone until this meeting with about 7 other strangers in the room. I was surprised that Danny would do such a thing. He hasn’t bit since he was maybe 1 years old and teething. I thought it to be very unprofessional for them to tell me about that incident not only NOT the day it happened; but in front of all these other people like that as being the first time Dan or myself was hearing it . Which leads me to believe it wasn’t true. The teacher did not elaborate on the situation of when it happened during this meeting; she just was clearly making another negative, most likely false statement about our son.

But, instead of bashing the school like I did to Dan and whoever has been here to talk I’m going to point out why this has been such an eye opener for us. Not everyone is going to accept my child. Most people won’t understand that it’s not “bad behavior” it’s Autism.  Also, not everybody is “equipped” to handle a child with a disability. Many people are just not educated on these differences. I have come to terms with being aware of this and accepting it myself.

After many tears and questions; Dan made a good point to me. He cross referenced this scenario into his daily construction life. Not everybody has the tools to do a certain job and/or the people who have the experience in it; which is when jobs get subcontracted. He then related this back to our meeting with therapist and the school because they referred us to another school for Danny. We went to tour and I’m not going to lie; I felt a little hesitant at first. I noticed children in the classroom that were visually higher on the autism spectrum. I was scared in my mind for Danny to pick up behaviors that he never did before. (Self injure/injure others) But then it occurred to me in any setting whether in a “normal” preschool setting or not; children will pick up behaviors anywhere so this couldn’t possibility determine if I wanted to attend this school. Dan reassured me that this is where Danny needs to be. He doesn’t need to be learning to cut and paste, or trace numbers and letters. He needs to work on his receptive and vocal language.

We talked it out; I cried it out. It wasn’t until this moment that I realized that me being his mother; I wasn’t completing being accepting of him. Why would I even try to send him to a school that was “normal”? When we first toured Noah’s Ark, I myself felt a little overwhelmed. There was a lot going on. They had artwork literally on every wall. A separate cafeteria with a dozen of toddler tables and about 30 high chairs. Where the teacher to student ratio was 1:10. As much as I wanted to be that “normal” Mom; involved with every PTA activity; I am not. I am a special needs Mom.

Danny was referred to a specialized classroom for Autistic children age ranging from 3-5 years old. The student to teacher ratio is 2:1. He will receive all his services here from speech to OT.

Last Friday, November 9th was his first day. His teachers said he had a great day! I got there and he was all smiles and super excited! Driving home was by far from silent like any other car ride is. He was babbling away and it didn’t stop! Unlike Noah’s Ark school, Danny actually sat for circle time. The whole 15 minutes! I am so proud of him.

The school was closed Monday for Veterans day but he is back there today! Our drop off had some tears but I know he is where he needs to be. I’ll be sure to keep you all posted on his progress since I’ve had so many of you reach out and ask how he is doing. Thank you.

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

“Why fit in when you were born to standout?”- Dr. Seuss